While I hope none of us have seen our children make such demands (beyond the age of 2), we all encounter behavior from them that demonstrates an entitlement attitude.
An entitlement mentality is the belief that one inherently deserves privileges or special treatment. A new cell phone, a new car, no curfew, the latest pair of sneakers. Many teens think that they are entitled to or deserve these items and, astonishingly, many of their parents give in to their demands.
Maybe they give in out of fear—fear that their kids will be angry or throw a tantrum of rebellion. Parents may fear disappointing their children or fear that their children won’t have what others have and it will reflect poorly on them as parents. And in a culture where blended families are common, parents may give in to these demands out of a desire to “buy” love from their children.
Let’s face it, giving in is easier than standing your ground, especially at the end of the day when you’re tired and your resolve is low. Giving in teaches them that pestering, demanding, threatening and complaining will eventually get them what they want. That isn’t perseverance—it’s manipulation.
Giving in teaches them that working hard for something is someone else’s job. By giving in, children will never get the incredible joy of accomplishment that comes from having a goal, working hard and attaining it. Instead they will continue to expect others to meet their needs. Giving in does not breed respect, love or character. It does the opposite.
Instead, stand your ground. When your child asks for something that is above and beyond the basic needs that we, as parents, must provide to ensure their safety and well being, put the responsibility on them. When they ask you to do something they are capable of, take the opportunity to teach them how.
“Partner” with them in acquiring items, making sure they carry the heaviest burden. Teach them that luxuries are privileges and not rights. Teach them that they can do it and maybe, just maybe, they will.By
// Dr. Tori Ferrari, Teen Challenge of Arizona’s Springboard for Youth in Crisis
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