They will need more sophisticated responses for how to deal with peer pressure rather than just walking away, ignoring them, or learning how to say no. Learning how to navigate the social environment in a way that keeps them connected to their peers will help them retain their individuality.
As parents, we should talk to our tweens about having friends that help them make choices that feel good on the inside and have positive external outcomes. Teach them “persuasion techniques” they can use to talk their peers out of engaging in potentially negative behaviors. Use humor and other pro-social strategies, which will keep their peer relationships positive, but will still allow them to make their own decisions.
Discuss sex, drugs, the Internet, social media, clothing, activities, hobbies and bullying in an open manner. Provide useful information and answer their questions or try to find the answers together. Children can sense when adults are uncomfortable with these topics or when adults allow their pasts to interfere when it comes to talking about them, making them seem “taboo.” Consequently, this may cause your child to become more interested in the negative behaviors in a secretive manner. Taking the mystery out of these topics is one of the best prevention techniques in terms of helping them learn how to make good choices, thereby decreasing their susceptibility to peer pressure.
Expressing an extreme desire to fit in and be admired
Wanting to know what other kids are doing and what other kids have in terms of possessions
Preoccupied by what others think of them
Extreme fear of rejection or being made fun of
Sudden changes in choices, interests, behaviors and activities, or a sudden decline in certain likes and an increase in others that seem surprising
Indecisiveness; allowing others to choose for them
Engaging in risky behaviors earlier than expected
People pleasing; doing things and making choices that make others happy instead of themselves
Statements that suggest lowered self-esteem
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Strengthen your bond with your teen so they can talk to you about these subjects.
Research and find out the most current information on the trending topics.
Teach your teen how to avoid situations where negative peer pressure may become a factor.
Nurture and emphasize self-esteem and assertive communication.
Stay involved. Ask specific questions about interactions with peers and social situations. They don’t have to give you details, but you want to know who is in their social circle and the quality of interactions. Try to laugh with them rather than appearing disapproving or they might not share.
Avoid overreacting. Again, you don’t want them to shut down.
Encourage them to think for themselves, develop good decision-making skills like creating pros and cons lists, and problem solve tough situations.
Choose your battles wisely. You don’t want to pick at each interaction or they will stop coming to you.
Provide them with education about the risks and benefits of decisions, especially related to drugs, sex, and the Internet and social media.
CONVERSATION STARTERS
“You know what it’s like to have someone judge you about your choices. Tell me about a time that happened to you.”
“I know you want to fit in. Tell me about the pros and cons of your choices to fit in. What if your choice could hurt you or others?”
“Let’s figure out what you like rather than always picking what everyone else wants.”
“Have you ever had to deal with peer pressure? Have you ever pressured anyone into doing something?
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