The National Mental Health Association acknowledges that love, security and acceptance should be at the heart of family life. Children need to know your love doesn’t depend on his or her accomplishments. In addition, mistakes and/or defeats should be expected and accepted. Confidence grows in a home that is full of unconditional love and affection.
No one knows the importance and impact of loving our children better than Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the “The 5 Love Languages of Children.”
“I am convinced there are only five basic languages of love,” he says. “Of these five, each teen has a primary love language, one that speaks more loudly and deeply to him or her. If a parent fails to speak this language adequately, the teen will not feel loved, regardless of other expressions of love.”
According to Chapman, the five love languages are:
Physical touch – Hugs, kisses and tender touches are given in abundance when a child is young. However, some parents feel more awkward about touching as their child enters adolescence. If a teen’s primary love language is physical touch, those appropriate touches are no less important during the teen years than they were in the earlier years.
Words of affirmation – Using words to encourage and affirm is at the heart of this language. When a toddler is learning to walk, we stand just two feet away and say, ‘That’s right! Come on; you can do it.’ And when that toddler falls, we encourage her to get up and try again. Why do we forget the power of affirming when kids become teens?
Quality time – This love language involves giving your teen undivided attention. For some teens, regardless of what you’re doing together, nothing is more important than when a parent gives focused attention.
Giving and receiving gifts – Some parents speak this language almost exclusively and are often shocked to find that their teen does not feel loved. Although gift giving is not the love language of all teens, gifts speak loudly for many.
Acts of service – Parents are continually doing actions designed to assist their kids, but if these acts of services are to be expressions of love, they must be done with a positive, caring attitude.
Kids are born to be loved. If they’re not getting that need fully met, they will find something else to fill that void—often with unhealthy behaviors like substance abuse, eating disorders, and self harm. Love takes time, is essential for growth and development, and, most importantly, does not judge.
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