educate
J
Making the Grade
SPRING 2018
maskmatters.org
65
C
oping with emotions is a key milestone in a child’s
developmental stage. For elementary school-aged children, there
are some things to keep in mind when teaching them how to
cope.
First, there is a social cost to crying at school—being teased or excluded
because your child cries too much is a very real thing children have to
confront.Therefore, developing coping skills can help your child successfully
negotiate their first journey into independent social situations. In doing so,
they’ll be able to cope with intense emotions rather than crying about them.
The key to identifying and tolerating emotions is remembering that
emotions are short-lived signals our body sends us to let us know something
isn’t quite right with the situation. Teach your child to identify the feeling.
Allow them to experience the intense emotion without interfering and
“rescuing” them. Remind your child that emotions are short-lived. In the
moment, the feeling might be intense, but the intensity and the emotions
will pass, and will help them learn to tolerate the feelings.
Finally, teach your child that emotions are signals our bodies and brains
send us to alert us—they are essentially an alert system to help us navigate
social situations. Positive emotional experiences occur in situations in which
people feel loved, cared for and safe. Negative emotional experiences tend
to occur in situations where the perceived sense of safety is threatened,
situations of loss, grief or the unknown.
Signs &
Behaviors
CHILDREN WHO CAN COPE TEND TO:
q
Identify their emotions
q
Tolerate intense emotions such as fear, anger and sadness
q
Understand emotions are short-lived
q
Understand feelings are alerts or signals telling us we need to
pay attention to the environment because something positive
or negative may be happening
q
Recover quickly from intense emotions (especially negative
emotions)
q
Use a number of different coping skills
q
Use language to talk about their emotions with others
q
Use empathy and theory of mind skills to self-regulate
CHILDREN WHO CAN’T COPE TEND TO:
q
Avoid situations that elicit intense emotions
q
Throw tantrums that are inappropriate for their age
q
Use verbal and physical aggression
q
Develop anxiety and depression
q
Isolate themselves
q
Develop low self-esteem
What You Can Do
D
Model appropriate emotional
literacy skills by identifying your
own emotions and tolerating
them
D
Use self-care to take care of your
emotional health and well-being
D
Teach healthy coping skills
D
Identify emotions and triggers
D
Identify the accompanying
bodily sensations associated with
emotions
D
Practice deep breathing
D
Practice mindfulness
D
Use empathy to help identify how
others may feel
D
Use the ability to predict what
may happen in social situations
in order to regulate your own
emotions
D
Label your feelings for your child
until they learn how to do it
D
Talk about emotions as a part of
everyday routines
D
Be patient as your child learns to
deal with their feelings
D
Actively listen by rephrasing what
they say to you
D
Don’t solve their problems
D
Don’t rescue them from their
feelings; help them tolerate the
emotions
Conversation
Starters
“
Where in your body do those
feelings happen? What kind
of sensations do the feelings
create?”
“
What do you need in situations
where your feelings get too big to
handle?”
“
What are the things that make
you feel mad, sad or scared?
What are the things that make
you feel happy, surprised or
proud?”
