educate
J
Making the Grade
SPRING 2018
maskmatters.org
71
Y
our young adult is ready to launch and deal with life on their
own. But the amount of stress they can experience during this
transition can be intense and overwhelming.
When it comes to helping them cope, be present and
accessible, but don’t interfere. Listen to their problems and encourage
problem-solving skills, as opposed to swooping in and rescuing them. Also,
allow them to vent without resolution.
When your child calls because they’re stressed, listen. Validate their
emotions and ask reflective questions about the situation to encourage
perspective taking. Ask questions that will help them figure out the
consequences of their choices, rather than labeling them for your child.
One of the best ways to cope for young adults is developing independent
problem-solving skills. Help them identify what situational factors are
contributing to their stress. Ask open-ended, reflective questions to encourage
them to identify the stressors. For example, rather than saying, “I knew you
shouldn’t have lived off campus,” say something like, “It sounds like there are
things we didn’t take into account when deciding about where to live. What
are your options?”
Being mindful of how we talk to our young adult children, with the
intentional mindset of training them to problem-solve, is key in helping them
cope and still maintain a good relationship as they transition to adulthood.
Healthy coping skills in young adults are critical to becoming emotionally
mature adults, which is a key to future success in relationships and at work.
Signs &
Behaviors
YOUNG ADULTS THAT CAN COPE WITH STRESS USUALLY:
q
Have good problem-solving skills
q
Have healthy social boundaries and know when to say no
q
Use healthy coping strategies like diet, exercise, social
supports, planning, problem-solving and mindfulness
q
Know when to take a break
q
Have good self-care strategies
q
Prioritize their needs in an appropriate manner
q
Manage time well, stick to their plans, and have clear goals
q
Recover from disappointments
q
Take responsibility for their actions
q
Keep their commitments and don’t over-extend themselves
YOUNG ADULTS THAT HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH COPING:
q
Take the “easy” way out
q
Appear emotionally immature or entitled
q
Have unhealthy or dependent relationships
q
Engage in substance use to “medicate” the feelings of stress
q
Don’t accept responsibility and blame others for their mistakes
q
Have trouble learning from their mistakes
q
Appear irritable, angry, aggressive, or isolative
q
Lack empathy
What You Can Do
D
Teach and model problem-solving
abilities
D
Teach planning and organizing
D
Model and teach appropriate
social boundaries
D
Help them learn how to say no
so as to avoid over-extending
themselves
D
Allow them to deal with
consequences of failure
D
Listen
D
Ask reflective, interpretive and
problem-solving questions in an
open-ended way
D
Avoid fixing their problems or
rescuing them
D
Encourage them to take breaks
and engage in self-care
D
Demonstrate empathy
Conversation
Starters
“
Taking care of yourself is
important as you start to do
things on your own. Remember
to take time for yourself and find
ways to feel calm, centered and
less stressed.”
“
It sounds like things have gotten
stressful. You’ve been working
really hard to adjust to this
change. What are some things
you can see happening to help
you adjust?”
“
Asking for help is hard as an
adult. It can make you feel like
you’ve done something wrong.
Think about it—asking for help is
actually a sign that you are OK
with not being perfect, which
shows a lot of maturity.”
